"Don't be alarmed everyone. Just a little misunderstanding that will work itself out. Please, do continue to enjoy your evening." Dinner was announced as I was nervously wracking my brain for the miracle statement that would take their eyes off me. Oh, thank God. "Please, everyone start moving to the dining hall! The meal we have prepared is exquisite! The band started to pick up again. Fuck you, Band. In the midst of this smoothing over, Alex had vanished along with Penelope.
I found it hard to call her a cow, now. It seemed as if she had gotten less and less bovine and more and more womanly as the minutes passed. Her belly protruded, not in an obscene or disgusting way, but like a warm and loving hill, like the kind the kids from "The Sound of Music" might play on. A tear started to form in my eye, and I quickly wiped it away as Charlie approached.
"That was an awful tiff, love. What was all that raucous about butter knifes and spare keys and journals and computers connected to bloody security boxes?" Then it hit me. The security box. "Oh, don't trouble yourself, your gorgeous, gorgeous, red-haired, god-like self, it's just a little business I have to take care of. Please, go in and have yourself something to eat and another drink and I'll be back before you can say 'Pip pip, cheerio' or something equally adorable." I wasn't sure if I genuinely liked this guy, if it was the wine, if it was his body, or a combination of any or all three. "All right, dear. But here," he took my phone from my bag. "Let me punch in my number so that you'll have in case you decide you need me." Saying this, he reluctantly left for the dining hall and I, anxious and in a swoon, made my way to Lab one.
As I trekked, two thoughts immediately came to mind. One, it was difficult enough to navigate my building in the middle of the day with my work attire on, let alone at night in this tight, too revealing dress and equally unconventional heels. And two, without Charlie I began to realize how nice it was to have a British accent around and how devoid my life was of one right now. Removing my heels to make my journey easier I thought, maybe it was just nice to hear another caring voice around. I quickly dashed the thought. "A caring voice used to come out of the man that had caused all this. Get yourself together. Charlie can wait, he can wait forever. The computer is the number one priority. Nothing else matters."
As I rounded a corner, almost to Lab one, I was met by an unfortunately known face. "AHHHH! Fucking hell, TruPaul! Jesus Christ, can't you make some noise or something when you just poof in from thin air?! That's how it always is in the movies. Audible poof, smoke cloud, fairy person, genie, or other mythical creature appears." My heart was pounding and I almost wished for a heart attack. I hate you, Alex. You did this. If I die in this hallway it's your fault. Why do you continue to be mysterious!? You could have just told me what was in the security box! Would've saved me a trip and a run-in with Miss Thing, here. "Honey, you look like somebody done ran over you and spit on you for good measure." I hadn't realized it, but in the excursion to the lab, I had become quite disheveled. My hair was askew, my make-up was off, and my dress was in a less than desirable state, to say the least. After you find the security box, get yourself to a bathroom and diva up, I thought. This is your party. You need to look like royalty. The only kind of queen you are right now is seedy nightclub drag queen.
"I've had better nights," I said. "Why are you hear, anyway? I confronted him like you said. It didn't go like you you implied it would and now I'm going to go find out things for myself." That all too familiar eyebrow raised. Oh, here we go. "You still broke into his house." Her voice was harsher than normal and I started to become uneasy. "If you would have confronted him the way I told you, the way I had in mind when I invited he and Penelope here, then you wouldn't be here, outside this lab, about to type some numbers into a computer and open a security box that holds what you've been searching for this whole time. I thought you wanted to 'Nail Alex's ass to the wall'? How did that go for you? Did it go according to plan? No? That's because you don't listen! You don't pay attention to what anyone says unless it pertains to what you already have in your mind. You're a sad, scared little girl, Stella. The computer is close." She looked at the lab and her face was somber. "Go in and get what you want so terribly." And then she vanished. No poof, no noise, no smoke. Nothing.
She's was right. I never listened to her even though it appeared that she was only trying to assist me. The little things just parade past me and I don't even acknowledge them. I don't throw confetti, I don't shout or applaud. The parade goes unnoticed. But then a thought came to mind. It's not my fault I don't notice things. How can I possibly notice things when they are blatantly hidden from me! I looked at Lab one. Nothing will go unnoticed again. I'm taking charge. I don't know why Tom and Alex lied to me, but I was going to find out. And when I did, woe be unto them. I opened the lab door.
My body felt tugged by some unnatural force and I glided to computer Z. As I sat down in front of it, and shook the mouse, the blackness of the screen disappeared and in its place light illuminated the dark laboratory. I thought about the moon and how beautiful the sky must be tonight. "There's a full moon tonight," the man on TV had said. As my guests happily grazed on their expensive dinner, I imagined where Alex and Penelope might be. I could see him in tears. Seeking her for comfort, an escape from all of this. Suddenly, I thought back on something he had said. "I left you because it was the only thing I thought was right." What did he mean? Did he still love me? What did I do to make him think leaving was the only option? How did this not register until just now?! I wanted to run and find him, to talk to him and figure out what he meant. But it was a full moon, and the moon illuminated the darkness around me and the computer screen's words ensnared me.
"Please enter four digit passcode for security box access." As much as I wanted to go, to not open the box and discover what Alex meant in his tear-stained words, I couldn't. You've already done too much damage, I convinced myself. O907. Just typed it in. There's no turning back now. You're too far down the rabbit hole, Stella. 0. 9. 0. 7. "Passcode accepted." The sound of the security box unlocking echoed through the lab and it made my heart jump.
You know that feeling? That feeling you get when you send that most important text to the boy or girl you like, telling them your feelings, and then, minutes later, your phone vibrates? Their name appears and you know, good or bad, that things will never be the same? That feel coursed through me as the echo coursed through the lab. Whatever was in this security box was going to change everything. When you get that text, a part of you doesn't want to open it, does it? Because, somewhere inside you, that part knows you'd rather be left guessing than really know. What if it's not what you want to see? You want that hope to still be there. I wanted that hope for us. But, despite everything, you open that text. Despite all the feelings and all that's passed. Despite of your Christmases, and your trips to foreign lands. Despite your love and your hopes for family. Despite Alex's tears and him saying that he didn't leave because he didn't love you, but because it was the only thing that felt right. Despite it all, you open that text. And, despite it all, I opened the security box.
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