As I neared the elevator, my secretary, whose name continued to elude me, stepped in front of my path. Jesus, I was so close! What the hell do you want!? "Oh! Why, hello there. What can I do for you?" She looked pleased that I didn't strike her dead with my briefcase. "So sorry to bother you, Miss Devereux. But Tom wanted to see you. He said it was important." As important as it probably was to talk to a man who was one of my most important employees and who also seemed to know the most about the incidents that, most presently, have consumed by life, the only thing I cared about now was finding a dress that would exude class while still allowing me the comfort to verbally disembowel Alex. "Tell him to call me. I'm taking a half-day." The elevator opened.
I quickly rushed in and frantically pressed the close door button. Before the secretary with no name could utter another word, they shut. I'm getting good at the whole leaving-before-having-to-deal-with-anymore-bullshit thing, I thought. The ride in the elevator turned out to be a far less laborious means of getting from point A to point B than the stairs. Unfortunately, the rage and anxiety filled 30 seconds led me to wish for the calm release only afforded to one by one's lungs exploding. Stupid bitch dream guide! Dream guide can kiss my ass! "Breaking into someone's house is creepy and desperate." You know what's creepy? Making me fucking breakfast and then showing up at my work and throwing sparkles on my conference table! I can't believe I'm going to have to face them both at the ball! I composed myself as the doors opened. Calmly walking out into the main lobby I gave a slight wave to the old woman at the help desk and left the building.
She looks like she lives on waves, that old lady. My thoughts drifted seamlessly to my life. You're leaving to buy a dress to wear to a ball in which you plan to confront the man, that was once your whole life, with documents that you will have, at that point, broken into his house twice to steal. And then what? You're still going to be alone. My eyes began to well up again, but I shut them off. "No," I exclaimed aloud, alarming the traffic of people around the building. No, you have cried enough! Even if you don't have Alex, so what! You'll have your work and with the progress afforded by the documents you'll recover, you could even have the baby you've always wanted! The thought comforted me. Knowing that the comfort would only last a finite amount of time, I unlocked the door of my car and, placing my briefcase in the passenger's seat, I slid in.
Buckling my seat belt and, wondering if my original thought of dream to reality death equivalence was correct or if I could just forego all safety precautions, I started the car. I decided that it was best not to take chances when it came to my life, dream or not, and kept the belt buckled. Just speed. That's a fair compromise. There didn't seem to be any cops out in dream world, anyway. That thought both excited and frightened me.
Driving down the highway, I found myself caught up in the scenery. In my less than composed state this morning I failed to actually notice how magnificent dream world was. The cars, the buildings, they all seemed to be alive. The sky was a brilliant shade of bluish purple that I had never seen in the real world. The clouds swirled unnaturally and seemed to dance with each other -- a weird and wondrous tango that seemed almost holy. Wow, I thought. How can anything really be this beautiful. If my drive looked like this in reality, I'd never make it to work. Then I realized something. I never take enough time to even look at the world around me. Maybe reality was this beautiful. Maybe the clouds had been tangoing for ages, beckoning me to cut in, being jilted by my nonchalance or just my complete obliviousness.
The thoughts continued to spin inside my head like a merry-go-round of regret. I could feel something inside me changing. But before I could delve deeper I was jolted to attention by an obnoxious car horn. "Hey! Any fuckin' day now, sista'!" I had been stopped at a red light outside of the mall and without my knowing it had turned green. I quickly hit the gas and sped into the parking lot while giving the douche-bag an immaculately polished and all-too-deserved middle finger.
Parking the car and stepping out into the crisp fall weather, my thoughts again turned to my plans. I had decided to find the most expensive dress I could and the most gorgeous shoes in the place. Luckily the mall was stocked with some of the most expensive and exclusive clothing stores in the city. Surely it wouldn't be hard to find something that would take Alex's breath away while I took his life away. Just don't spend all damn day in there, Stella. I had been known to turn a quick shoe pick-up into a half day clothing excursion. I had resolved, heading for the entrance, that I would find what I was looking for as quickly as possible and get back to the monastery. I wanted to make sure that I had everything planned perfectly for tomorrow. "Everything has to be perfect." Her words echoed in my mind. "They are. Just like you. I love you." The thoughts rang through my brain and I wanted to be sick.
Oh, they will be perfect. I thought. Christmas was always such a special time for Alex and I. A cold grin crept across my face. The sky had shifted from the glorious color of before to something more heinous. Midst my many thoughts, however, I hadn't noticed. Why should this year be any different?
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