Chapter 30/Epilogue by: Owen/Everyone

5 years later:

After regaining my possessions from the house on Luna Avenue, life seemed to fly by in a blur. Now that I could finally focus a hundred percent of my time and energy on work, reconnecting with my friends, and fixing up my totally sweet new house, I was happier than I thought possible. I even managed to get back into the dating scene once or twice, although I never found anything serious.

I'll start with how my monastery turned out. It took several months, but after several long nights and weekend afternoons of painting, re-wiring, re-plumbing and redecorating, the place finally felt something like a home. The grounds around the monastery luckily weren't very big, so I could do most of the yard work myself. Once every few weeks or so I would have a guy come in and mow, but the majority of the land was taken up by various gardens I decided to plant.

I never would have thought myself to have a green thumb, but it was relaxing to come out and tend the flowers and vegetables I was growing. I also saved quite a bit on fresh produce, ad never went to a flower shop except during the Winter. It was about a year after I bought the house that I felt it was finally ready for a housewarming party.

Yes, I know that housewarming parties generally take place after the purchasing of a house, but before I held a party, I had to make sure the place was just perfectly fabulous. The living room had to have the right artwork, the dining room had to have the perfect table, and I had to have the right general ambiance in the monastery before letting anyone in.

Surprisingly enough, Penny was the first person to see the inside of my newly remodeled house. We'd kept in touch after I collected all of my belongings from the house on Luna Avenue. We were never really best gal pals like me and Cassie, but she was a sweet girl, and since I knew Alex the best, she came to me for advice. It was hard to not spill the beans about the truth of my past relationship with Alex, but I made it a challenge to myself to hold out until Alex slipped up himself.

Honestly, it didn't take very long. On their second year anniversary, about a year and a half after I bought my monastery, I got a call from Penny. It was pretty late at night, and I instantly knew what happened when I heard her teary voice on the phone. He'd made two mistakes that day, the first being he brought up a memory of celebrating an anniversary with an ex, the second mistake was naming said ex, and calling her Stella instead of Sara. It didn't take long for Penny to get the whole truth from him.

“I'm so sorry, Stella,” she kept repeating over and over.”And I was stupid enough to believe him and go on about being such good friends with you. I know you went with his story to protect me, but it had to have been hard for you too!” Eventually she calmed down enough to pack her things, including little Jacob the toddler, and come stay with me. One of the good things about owning your own monastery was having plenty of space for guests.

Luckily, Penny's career decided just about that time to pick up. A celebrity chef happened to be attending a party she'd catered for and fell in love with her cooking. Her clientèle got increasingly ritzy, and she even had chances to cater for important people abroad. Luckily for her I didn't mind babysitting Jacob for extended periods of time and he loved his Aunt Stella. Alex somehow managed to get joint custody, the judge was probably sexist, but he often failed to pick Jacob up most of the time.

Finally, I guess I should talk about G.M. Sadly, Project Miracle was a total failure. We never could quite perfect the synthetic wombs, no matter how close we came. Eventually, continued research would just be a big waste of the company's resources and budget. I was heartbroken, it was like losing my child, Luckily, I'd learned from my last big emotional breakdown, and worked through the pain. Cassie was a huge help, and strangely enough, so was Robert, Tom's assistant lab manager.

The day after the decision to cut Project Miracle was made, Robert was the one that found me listlessly sorting through files in one of the archive rooms. I really had no idea what to do with myself. I'd been so sure that with enough effort and skill, we'd be able to pull off anything. I had no idea what to do with myself now that I didn't have the project to drive me forward. I know it was selfish what with all the other projects G.M.

“Stella,” he said from somewhere behind me. Startled, I turned to look at him. “What are you doing? We've got a lot of work to do, and we could use your help.”

“What do you mean?” I asked more than a little confused. God, please don't let this be another dream. I don't remember falling, and damn those bruises took forever to heal.

“Look,” he put a hand on my shoulder. “I know you took a serious personal interest in Project Miracle, and you put a lot of time and work into it.” He paused, and smiled at me. “That's why I didn't want to let it go to waste. I pulled an all nighter and discovered last night that we can use a lot of what we were doing with synthetic wombs to help repair and possibly heal damaged wombs. We can still help people's dreams of having children come true Stella, just not in the way you wanted.”

At that moment, I had an important decision to make. I could either be selfish and continue to try and find some way to make my own dream of having a child come true, or I could help women everywhere to achieve theirs. Looking into Robert's imploring eyes, which where bloodshot from his night of research, I decided to dedicate my future scientific endeavors to help heal people.

From that day on, I worked mainly with Robert and Tom in the labs. I hardly ever saw my office, at least not until we had our first breakthrough. We created and perfected a way of using cells from our artificial womb to help repair damaged ones of women that had been in accidents or whatnot and received severe blunt force trauma to their stomachs. Scar tissue was the next opponent we would challenge

However, before I even had a chance to pick up a clipboard or put on my name brand lab coat Robert and Tom both confronted me.

“You need a vacation,” they said in unison.

Rather than argue, I took a month to tour Asia. I ended up spending about three days in China, a week in Japan, and the rest in Korea. I took Cassie's advice and bought two new wardrobes worth of clothes, and as many shoes as I could. The shipping cost me almost as much as my mountain of clothes. The only bad part of the trip was the day my biological clock began ticking.

I was passing a Korean elementary school, and I stopped to adjust the strap of one of my heels. I'd just bought them the other day, and they were being particularly fickle. At that moment, one of the children playing in the schoolyard approached the fence and began talking to me in Korean.

My Korean was only rudimentary at best, and the girl had a good laugh at my clumsy replies before running back to her friends. In short, I was just embarrassed by the most adorable creature I'd ever encountered. I felt a pain in my chest, a need to raise a child of my own. Teach her how to speak and read, cure all her boo boos, take her to school and feel heartbroken the moment I drove away, all of it.

I had to adopt, of course, but it would be difficult. Even though I was a successful C.E.O at a multi-million dollar company, I was still a single trans-gendered woman. I knew it would take time, even for a heterosexual couple it took time and a lot of effort, but I knew the end result would be worth it.

And now, after several months of psych evaluations and all manner of other things, I was finally certified to adopt a child. Throughout the whole process I debated on what kind of little girl I would look for, almost everyone tried to keep me from getting my hopes up too high. For some reason, I'd taken to talking to Robert about my debate with myself. It was probably because he was one of the few people that didn't offer his own opinion. He just helped me sort out my own. Should I adopt an older child? They usually have a harder time finding parents, it would be a good deed to help out such a child. But I also wanted the connection you could only get from raising an infant.

Ultimately, my debate led me to an orphanage not far from my home. I'm not sure why I chose that particular one, the adoption agency suggested one not five blocks from the G.M building, But something made me want to go back to where I'd come from to start this new chapter of my life. Lucky I did, because I found the perfect little girl. She was half-American and half Korean. Her parents had been teenagers, her Korean mother an exchange student staying with a host family. The poor child was given up for adoption as soon as it could leave the hospital. Normally infants are found families rather than being sent to an orphanage, but this child wasn't so lucky.

The adoption was finalized two days before Christmas. The timing couldn't be more perfect, she was the best Christmas present I could ever have imagined. I was so happy, I planned a Christmas party for Christmas Eve. Normally I just went to parties, but I wanted everyone to meet little Rose Soo-Young. I'd chosen a traditional Korean name, meaning everlasting beauty, because I wanted her to experience as much of her mother's culture as she could. She'd certainly be able to speak Korean.

In any case, I definitely wanted to celebrate this personal victory and joy. I invited just about everyone: Cassie, Penny, Tom, just about everyone from G.M that I thought I could cram into my house. I'd even invited the lady in charge of G.M daycare. I certainly wanted to get to know the woman that was going to be taking care of my little Soo-Young while I was at work.

Robert surprised me by being the first to show up. I'd just put Soo-Young down for a nap in her living room crib. I was dressed for the party already, but I'd yet to set up most of the decorations. I was expecting Penny with the food, there was no way I had time to cook for a party with a baby in the house, but was surprised to see him there holding a bag of presents.

“I came early to help you set up,” he said in response to my inquiring look. “There's no way you could be very productive with a baby in the house. You're must be a mad woman planning a party so soon after adopting.” I laughed, leading him into the living room. Not that he needed any help. We'd become pretty good friends after all the time we'd spent working together. Many a time we'd brought the research back to my or his place with a box of Chinese food.

“Ok, you go string up some lights,” I said handing him a box. “But be quiet. If you wake her up, I swear I will strangle you with them.” We quietly bantered like old friends for a while until Penny finally made an appearance. I was shocked to see she wasn't alone.

“This is Charles,” she said gesturing towards a very handsome man holding a platter of cold cuts. He looked vaguely familiar, but I didn't recall meeting any handsome gingers.

“We met in London,” he explained further. I nearly dropped the glass ornament I'd been holding. That accent! It couldn't possibly be the same guy from the dream! No way! ...and if he is, then there goes Penny, picking up my sloppy seconds. I mentally chuckled. We'd gotten to the point where we could joke about Alex and both tear up from laughter.

Eventually, Soo-Young woke up, and I had to stop what I was doing to take care of her. Luckily, Penny was great with babies.

“Where's Jacob,” I asked as she heated up a bottle of formula for Soo-Young.

“Alex actually decided to pick him up for Christmas this year,” she said plainly, although I could hear some scorn in her voice. “I figure it'd be a once in a lifetime experience, so I'd let those two have fun.”

By the time everything was set up, I was quite proud of myself. Even though it was a Christmas party, I wanted it to be as multi-cultural as possible. I didn't want anyone to feel left out, so I'd made sure to put up Hanukkah decorations as well, and have dining options for any sort of restricted diet. I'd even researched different Asian Winter holiday decoration ideas as well as some from Europe.

When most of the guests arrived, Soo-Young was awake and ready to charm the pants off of anyone. The cooed at her and made sure to drop her presents under the tree. When she got cranky and tired, I put her down in her crib in the next room. The door was ajar so I could peek in and check on her as frequently as possible, and I'd enlisted Penny and Cassie to help as well, surprisingly Robert volunteered to sub in for Cassie, as she was too busy flirting with as many men as she could.

“Excuse me, might I go and see the baby,” a woman I didn't quite recognize asked. She looked and sounded so familiar, I had to stop and think for a moment. “I'm Danica, the person in charge of the daycare service at G.M,” she continued, taking my silence for askance. Looking at her stunning gold colored dress, I had a realization. TruPaul!

“S-sure, let's go check on her,” I managed to stammer. “Have we met before?” I asked as she looked in to the crib, brushing a lone lock of ebony hair from Soo-Young's forehead. She looked at me then, and I almost expected her eyed to flash golden. Instead they were a warm brown, almost the same as her chocolate colored skin.

“No, I don't think we've formally met,” she sounded unsure herself. “Maybe briefly at a company function like this.

“That must be it,” I replied.

As I returned to the party room, Robert found me. “Stella,” he began. “You've been chatting with everyone at this party but me. I'm hurt.” He held a hand to his chest and had a mock pained expression on his face. Conveniently my iTunes playlist decided to begin playing slow songs, giving Robert the idea to grab my hand and pull me into a dance.

“That was rather forward of you, assistant research manager,” I said playfully as we moved about the room. I couldn't help but remember the final part of that oh so peculiar dream I'd had five years ago. Almost all of it was fuzzy, as dreams usually were, but the ball scene had been my favorite part.

“Well,” he said. “I've been wanting to have a dance with you all night, but you've been busy.” Something in his voice was different than usual, but I couldn't quite place it.

“Robert, you've become a good friend of mine. If you wanted a dance, you should have asked.” The expression on his face was weird too, but I ignored it. Penny had just gone to check on Soo-Young, and I wanted to catch her all clear signal.

“You know I'd be happy to help you out with Rose any time you need,” he said. I was beginning to think I was the only one that preferred her Korean name over her American one. “Any time at all.” Something about the way he emphasized any time made me look into his eyes. They were shining as bright as the lights he'd strung up earlier. I felt a spark go in through my eyes and travel down my spine. It reminded... it reminded me of when I met Alex.

“I'll keep that in mind,” I replied after a long minute of swaying in his arms. On impulse, I hugged him as we were dancing. I hadn't felt such a warmth in my chest in a long while. Dancing with a handsome guy, surrounded by friends. It truly was a perfect Christmas, and I hoped that I would give my new little miracle as many of those as I could.

Chapter 29 by: Owen

Before Alex had time to even consider stopping cowering enough to answer, Penny walked, or rather waddled, out of the kitchen. The way in which she smiled at me and the loving look she gave Alex only cemented my plan. I would let her have him, but not without making Alex the worm uncomfortable first.

“Sorry that took so long, Stella,” she said. “I can normally put together a batch of cookies faster than that, I guess this little bundle of love is slowing me down a bit.” The way she cooed and rubbed her swollen belly made me alternately jealous and nauseous, but the look of horror on Alex's face was worth it.

“No worries, dear,” I replied in as smooth a tone as I could. My throat was finally letting me talk after my little outburst at Alex. “You must have picked up quite a few handy tricks being a caterer.” Before I had a chance to go on Penelope ushered me to the couch. That awful couch Alex refused to replace. Well, he could certainly keep it.

“Alex, Stella may be your best friend, but you should still have offered her a seat! She's a guest.” I was starting to like Penny a little bit more. “Now, I was hoping you could tell me about New York. I've always wanted to see a really big city like that.” The look in Penny's eyes made me pity her even more. She resembled so many girls I'd known that had big dreams but were forced to settle down just a couple blocks from where they were raised.

I smiled at the woman, but I reserved a wicked look for Alex who was just kind of gaping in the background.

“Well I actually wasn't in New York a couple weeks ago.”

Penny looked mildly surprised, and Alex had a grimace on his face. I hoped he was imagining all the horrible things that could happen if I chose to tell the truth.

“Alex is so absent minded when it comes to what I'm up to,” I paused for effect. “I was in New York months ago.” It was actually true, I'd taken a week off from work right after the break up and just went to New York to shop and recuperate. “No, the day of your shower I had a big meeting at G.M. that I couldn't wiggle out of. I had to make a bunch of important executive decisions, you see,” I told her indulgently. “I do hope Alex got the gift I'd sent for you though.” I sent him a look that told him he'd better buy her something nice for me.

Luckily for Alex, the timer for the cookies went off before Penney had a chance to inquire about any sort of missing baby shower present. While Penny was busy, Alex pulled a document out of a manila folder I hadn't noticed him with before.

“Here's the paperwork about signing the house over fully to my name. And here's a check worth half the property. Thank you for going along with things.” He looked grateful as I signed the paper. I waved the check he offered away.

“Alex, I probably make more than the two of you combined. You keep your money, I don't need it. I just came here for my things. Please tell me that Penny brought her own kitchen-ware and that you've boxed up all of my stuff.”

Penny chose that moment to return with cookies. Alex shuffled for a moment to put the paper work we'd just been looking at back in it's folder. It was a little amusing to see him attempting to cover his tracks so well. It was only a matter of time before Penny found out about our past, and it wasn't going to be from me. Alex would probably screw up sometime, and I was going to make sure to hang around enough to give him opportunities to do so.

“Honey, sit down,” he said to Penny as she placed the tray of steaming cookies on the table before us. “You shouldn't be on your feet so much.” Before Penny had a chance to respond, he continued. “All of your things are boxed up in the other spare room, Stella. I made sure to tell Penny that most almost everything in the kitchen was yours, so she insisted we go out and buy new everything so you could have it back.”

“Honestly,” Penny interjected. “I have no idea why Alex thought he and Sarah could keep all of your lovely kitchen-ware. You have some nice silverware, and great taste in appliances. I was pretty jealous, but didn't want to break anything.”

Okay, plain looking as this girl was, she was too sweet for this new cowardly Alex. And she could make a damn fine batch of cookies. I'd have to get her recipe before I left. We chatted for a little while longer, mostly Penny asking questions. When I said that I had to go and work on painting my house, she insisted that Alex do all the heavy lifting for me. The shade of red his face turned when he lifted the box with all my shoes in it was priceless.

Driving back to my monastery, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I knew I would never be very chummy with Alex, but I was genuinely starting to like Penny, even though she more or less stole my man. I didn't truly think she meant to, it was more Alex's fault than anything. And men thought women were the fickle ones. I was looking forward to getting some quality me time in, just me, some Korean pop music and a paint roller. Rebuilding my life wasn't so hard as I'd thought it would be just a couple months ago.

Chapter 28 by: (Mostly) Kelsey and Owen

“Keep going. You’ve obviously filled her head with stuff about me because she said she “feels like she knows me”. Don’t think I won’t ask her, Alex. You had the balls to tell her what you told her, so you better find the balls to tell me, too” I said, threatening him.

He looked at me, and his eyes were sad. I had always hated seeing that look, that pitiful look. Alex’s eyes always give him away.

“Okay, Stella. Do not interrupt me, do not comment, and do not ask questions until I’m finished. I’m going to tell you everything I think you want to know. When I’m done, you can comment all you’d like. Just let me get through it first, okay? I don’t want to leave something out,” he said, sounding very determined.

He had obviously prepared what he was going to say in his head. He had always been an over-analyzer. He always used to do that—prepared these long speeches after we had a fight. I’m sure they never went according to plan because I always interrupted him, but this time I wouldn’t. This time I would just listen.

I replied with a simple, “Okay.”

“Okay, right. So, Penelope and I met at a GM function. No, she never worked there. She was one of the desert caterers at last year’s Christmas party. You weren’t there—you were on a business trip with Tom, remember? You all had gone to Berkeley to examine a prospective research opportunity, and you told me there was no need for me to come, so I stayed. Penny asked me why I was alone, and I told her my fiancé was off on business for the company. I told her your name was Sarah for some reason. I don’t know why I lied, but I did.

We got to chatting, exchanged numbers, and talked quite often after that. No, we never cheated. We just became really close friends. We talked a lot, almost every day, and I didn’t tell you because I knew what you’d think. I knew you’d think I was lying. It just seemed easier to keep it from you. Penny was also engaged when we met, and most of the time we only talked about our relationships when we talked to one another. I could tell her stuff about us that I could never tell anyone else for some reason, and I was the same way for her.

I left you, Stella, because didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t happy anymore, and I had no idea why. I loved you, so, so much. But I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to be with you anymore. And, I guess I was cheating on you, but emotionally, not physically. Somewhere along the line I’d fallen for Penny. Her fiancé had literally cheated on her, with about five other women. They had broken up about a month before we did. All I wanted was to be with her and to take care of her. I’m a terrible person, I know.

I’m sure that this is hard for you to hear now, but it’s about time you heard the truth. I’ve avoided telling you for so long because I didn’t know how to tell you. I just fell out of love, I guess.

Penny has no idea you were my fiancé. She thinks that when “Sarah” and I broke up, Sarah moved away. She thinks you and I have been friends for a very long time, and that you have been storing some of your belongings here because you’ve been in the process of moving and have been traveling. She has no idea you’re really Sarah, and if she did, she’d leave me. Please. Just don’t tell her” he finished, pleading with me in a way I’d never seen him plead before.

“If you didn’t cheat on me, how’s she’s pregnant?” I asked, frustrated that he’s left this out.

“Well, she was pregnant when her and her ex broke up. She lost the baby, though. Shortly after that she got pregnant again, but with my child. And yes, Stella, you and I weren’t together. I wouldn’t lie about that. Don’t you know that?” He asked, trying to make me feel guilty. That wasn’t going to work, though. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s him.

“So,” I said after a very pregnant pause. “You keep your new best friend Penny from me for months because you're afraid I'll think the worst of you, fall out of love with me and rather than talk it out like an adult you just break things off like we were just buddies, completely ignore my emotional situation and not attempt to contact me after our break up while I went through emotional hell, and to top it all off you've lied to your current, pregnant, girlfriend about me and expect me to cover your tracks? You even told the girl I was going to be part of the baby's life? What the hell were you thinking?”

Throughout my entire speech, I kept my voice in a low whisper. However, Alex's reaction was as if I were shouting and throwing things. With every accusation he flinched, as if he actually felt guilt over the things he'd done to me. Looking into his eyes, really truly looking into his eyes for the first time, I saw a coward. The man before me was nothing like the Alex I'd fallen in love with, and I must have been too near-sighted to see when he'd changed.

I almost felt bad for Penelope. The Alex she was with was a much inferior model, but maybe they were meant for each other. Watching Alex cower from my words, probably half-expecting me to storm into the kitchen and tell Penelope everything, I decided to do something worse and better at the same time.

I would go along with it. Perhaps I didn't think Alex deserved to have a happy new relationship, but Penny seemed like a genuinely nice woman that had been hurt in the past and finally sound something that made her happy. If it was my sloppy seconds, then so be it. Probably the worst thing I could do to Alex at this point was actually become friends with Penny and move on with my life.

Chapter 27: Kelsey

All I could do was stare at her as she held the door open, clutching her belly and the doorknob I’d purchased at an antique shop in Seattle. She had beautiful brown eyes, but she wasn’t beautiful. Yeah, she was pretty. She wasn’t beautiful, though, you know what I mean? She was just… normal? Average? Her huge smile suggested that she was genuinely pleased that I was here. There is no reason she should be excited to see me. No reason at all. Something is off. Why would Alex leave when he knew I’d be coming by? 

“Well, don’t just stand there, silly girl! Come on inside!” she said, still sounding happy and welcoming. Her smile was the kind of smile that would have been contagious if I wasn’t in a temporary form of shock. I kept waiting for TruPaul to pop out from behind her and say, “Gotcha, bitch!”

“Alex really should be back any time now,” she continued. “Oh, I’m Penelope by the way, but I’m sure you already know that! I know Alex has told you all about me and the little one. He’s told me all about you, too! I feel like I know you, honestly. I hope that doesn’t sound weird. By the way, you really are beautiful, Stella” she said.

Silence.
What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On. Why does this feel more like a dream than my dream did? This can’t be real life. She did not just say those things to me. She is not happy to see me. Why would she be happy to see me? She's treating me like I’m her long lost best friend or something. Speak, Stella. Say something! Say anything. She’s talking to you, and you’re just staring at her like some deranged psycho.

More silence.
Attention, voice!  You must speak. You are making this introduction so awkward for this poor woman, who is obviously clueless about who you really are. Maybe Alex knows two Stella's and she's mistaken me for the other one. Yeah, maybe that's it. But... I mean, at least she’s being nice. At least Alex hasn’t been bad mouthing you to his new babymama. You have to say something! My mouth simply wasn’t ready respond to what my brain was telling it, though. It just hung there, half open, with no intent of ever moving.

Penelope had a slightly confused look on her face, but was still wearing her big, warm smile as she looked at me with concern. She feels like she knows me? What the hell is going on here?

I decided to try to give my best effort at a smile since there was obviously no hope for conversation. Smile, Stella. Go on, smile. My efforts must have been sufficient because as I was stepping over the threshold and into the foyer Penelope attempted to give me a hug. I’m not a hugger, period. I’m especially not a hugger when it comes to hugging people who took my man, my house, and my future away. She must have sensed that a hug wasn’t acceptable behavior because she withdrew almost immediately and patted me awkwardly on the back.

“You can call me Penny, by the way. Most people do” she said, sounding way too friendly.

The house had a strong smell of new wood and paint, but nothing in my line of vision looked any different. I wonder if—

“Let’s go into the kitchen and I’ll fix you a drink, okay? What would you like?” Penelope said, interrupting my thought.” “Oh wait! Let me show you what we’ve done to your old room first! Yes, come on, come have a look! We’ve just been painting it today. I’m so thrilled with the way the color turned out. Sometimes those swatches aren’t very accurate, you know? Anyway, here it is. We thought it’d make a lovely nursery” Penelope said, answering my unasked question.

I stood there, staring at what used to be one of the two spare bedrooms. Its walls were now a sea foam green color, the ceiling fan had been taken down, and white curtains hung from a new rod. The baby crib was also new. So was the changing table, the white dresser, and the closet full of tiny clothes. Penelope looked at the crib, rubbed her stomach, and said, “I’m just so excited. I’ve always wanted a baby.”

Oh really? Me too, bitch. GYNECOLOGICAL MIRACLE.

“It looks really great” I mumbled, surprised that my voice had decided to come back.

Overly thrilled that I had finally spoken to her, Penelope squealed, hugged me, and said, “It does look great doesn’t it?! Don’t you love it? She’s going to be such a happy baby.”

Great. A bouncing baby girl. I hadn’t heard.

“Yeah, I’m sure she will be. She’s a lucky kid,” I said, not knowing how else to reply.

“I’m so thrilled that you’ll be a part of her life. She will love you,” said Penelope.

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT?!?

More silence.

Giving her a blank stare, I nodded and stared at the floor. I feel like this is some sick joke. Be a part of her life—me? Not. Why in the hell would I be a part of her life?

“So, enough about me and the baby! Tell me all about your life!” Penelope urged. “I heard you recently went to New York City on vacay, right? Alex said that was why you couldn’t come to the shower last week. How was it? Did you shop? I saw your shoe collection girl, and it is the most fabulous thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t worry, I didn’t wear any, I swear! My feet are too swollen,” Penelope said, chuckling and starting down at her admittedly huge feet.

Okay. Enough. This is enough. I should just leave right now. Alex has obviously, VERY OBVIOUSLY, been lying to this woman about who I am. I should have left as soon as Penelope said he wasn’t here. I mean, why would he leave? He knew I was coming! Was this why? Did he need me to realize that Penelope has absolutely no idea that he and I were a couple? Because the girl has no clue. No clue. Or, if she does know, she has a funny way of showing it. I wouldn’t be excited to see my boyfriend’s ex of seven year, much less want her to be involved in my child’s life. How could he not tell her????? I mean the poor girl thinks the spare bedroom was my bedroom.  And what’s he been doing, just making up random things about my life. Vacation in New York? Really? Very funny, Alex. Depression, loss of love, loss of self-worth, loss of ambition, etc., etc. That’s definitely an ideal vacation right there.

Luckily I didn’t have to answer any of Penelope’s questions. The slamming of the front door told us both that Alex was home.

He has no idea how crazy I am about to go. If only TruPaul could see me now.

“Stella? I’m sorry I’m late. I just had to run to the market. Where are you?” Alex called from the living room.

Penelope waddled out of the room and down the hallway to meet him, and I was just one step behind her. Alex was obviously surprised to see Penelope. He very bluntly said, “What are you doing here, Penny? You said you were going shopping with your mother.”

“I wanted to meet Stella, Alex. When I called you earlier about picking up the ice cream for me I told you that we weren’t going to go until later this evening, remember?” Penelope said, sounding put-off with him.

“No, you didn’t tell me that. You just asked me to pick up the ice cream. You said you wouldn’t be home until eight,” Alex said, realizing what a huge mistake he’d made.

“It doesn’t matter, does it? I’m here, you’ve got the ice cream, I met Stella, and Stella is fabulous. She only just got here. I showed her what we’d done to her room—she said it looked great!” Penelope said, sounding overly enthusiastic.

“Right. Yeah. Umm, okay. Great. You two have met. That’s, that’s perfect,” Alex mumbled, obviously terrified that the two of us had put his puzzle of lies together. One of us had, for sure, but I wasn’t positive if Penelope has picked up on the scandal or not.

“Why don’t you guys catch up while I make a pot of tea?” Penelope said, walking away towards the kitchen.

Alex looked panicked to say the least. He was sweating, and his hands were visibly shaking. He gripped the arm of the sofa for support, and slowly sat down. I glared at him as I had never glared at him before.

“So, you’re ashamed of me, of the relationship we had, and she has no clue about anything that has to do with ‘us’, right?” I asked.

He said nothing.

“What does she think then? Who does she think I am? She obviously thinks we’re on good terms. I hear I’ve been to New York, eh? Was I supposed to bring you two back a present?” I was bombarding him with questions, but I didn’t care. He deserved it. I hadn’t expected this meeting to be easy, but I hadn’t expected... this either. I hadn’t expected anything like this at all. I didn’t deserve to be treated this way, to be lied to, lied about, and god knows what else.

He still stared, blank expression intact.

“You either answer my questions, or I’m going to ask her myself. You have until the count of three. One. Two. Thr—”

“She thinks we’re best friends, okay? How was I supposed to tell her? What was I supposed to tell her?” Alex stammered against his will.

“How about I make some cookies, guys? We can have the ice cream with it.” Penelope called from the kitchen.

“Sounds great,” Alex said.

Sounds just fucking great. 

Chapter 26 by Corey

As my nerves reached their apex, the clock reached those dreaded numbers. Taking one final look at the bottom right of my computer screen, I swallowed hard. You can do this. It may be hard but it only has to be done once. This time tomorrow you will be free or Alex and Penelope and all this bullshit forever. After turning off the computer, putting on my coat, and saying goodbye to my evermore familiar employees, I exited the building and made my way to my car.

It was still the afternoon but the weather was crisp and the wind made me glad that I bought the fantastic scarf that now nuzzled my neck. Hopefully it'll help shield any look of anxiety in my face too. Unlocking my car door, I slid into the car and readied myself for the drive. You can do this. You've had enough pep-talks. It's time to just bite the bullet and get this over with. Stop being so damn nervous! So what if Penelope's there? Besides being an oversized distraction, she shouldn't cause any problems.

I caught myself watching the people that were coming and going from the building. So many I didn't yet know, but less than there had been. I felt more in sync with things. I felt more in charge. No matter how this meeting with Alex went, things were changing for the better and that was a reason to hold my head high. Just as a wave of confidence swept over me, I caught a glimpse of one of the people entering the building. A tall, statuesque black woman, one of the most beautiful I've ever seen. "TruPaul?" I asked confused. Blinking, I lost sight of the enigma. Shaking it off as more nerves and stress, I started the car.

Pulling out of the parking lot and onto the freeway, everything felt calm. I may have been seeing things, but the TruPaul look-a-like and/or specter that entered my building as I departed had steadied my thoughts. I was calm. Thanks TruPaul look-a-like and/or specter. You may be a bitch, but you're an all right bitch. Laughing to myself at the ridiculousness of the situation I found myself in, I turned on the radio.

Thirty seconds into looking for something to listen to, I came to the conclusion that modern popular music had been dead for at least 10 years. "Fuck you, radio," I said out loud. Popping in a CD I had made, inspired by the song Cassie had sent me, I was feeling more and more confident. Was I actually over him? The feeling manifested in me during our brief phone call only added to my sureness. Anxiety began to turn into excitement. I was going to get my shoes back! Not only my shoes, but everything! And most importantly, I'd be losing two of the heaviest and least desirable things my mind possessed. I cranked up the music.

As I sang loudly and proudly to a song I didn't know in a language I didn't understand, I felt alive. It was just like the feeling I had in my dream! As my heart thumped along to the beat, I felt almost as if I was in my dream. The traffic wasn't nearly as thick as it had been the previous day during the lunch rush and there were no cops in sight. As the feet in my mind tapped to the rhythm, my actual foot tapped the acceleration. The highway was my own personal autobahn! Unfortunately, like a quickly thrown together mixed CD of fast and dancey Korean music, feelings like this don't last forever. And, in pulling into Luna Avenue and seeing that house again, all of my feelings of excitement and dream-nostalgia were reverted to all too familiar anxiousness.

I stopped the car, parking it in the same spot I had during my dream B&E, and killed the ignition, along with the peppy Koreans. Ooooooh, fuck. Following the first expletive with a cavalcade of its brethren, I rested my forehead on the steering wheel. I thought back to the summer when I had my tonsils removed. I had been ready the entire two weeks prior to the operation. I would tell anyone who would listen that I was getting my tonsils out and I wasn't scared at all; that I was a big kid who wasn't afraid of doctors or operations; that all I cared about was getting all the ice cream I could eat after. Cut to the day of, with me kicking and screaming for my mother, biting the doctor and doing anything I could to get out of being put under. If TruPaul had been in the passenger's seat of my Audi, she would have been hearing a similar shtick.

Do you really need those shoes, Stella? Not having them will just give you a reason to shop for more! You need to start reading your files anyway. What if this meeting takes longer than you expect and you get behind on everything? The walls aren't going to give themselves a second coat! But, just as I no longer had my tonsils, I knew it was time to no longer have my Alex. Because just as the tonsils weren't mine anymore, neither was he. Touching up my face and fixing my hair while simultaneously hoping that the wind had died down, I took a final look at myself in the rear-view mirror. "This is it, Stella. Are you ready?" I answered myself with a yes and a wink of encouragement and, with a one final deep breath, I exited the car.

As if hearing my pleas, the wind had ceased its blowing, and as a result it didn't feel as cold. Feeling more elegant and courageous without the Great Wall of Cashmere around my neck, I strode up the walk to their door. Their door. Had I said it that way before? Not my door. Not our door. Their door. Brimming with pride in seeing my ability to let go increase in leaps and bounds, I rang the doorbell.

Just talk it out. Find out why he left, let him know that you've let go and are trying to move on with your life emotionally and in business, get your stuff back, and get the fuck out of there. I keep repeating the plan to myself over and over. Hi, Alex. It's good to see you. May I come in? Thank you. Listen, I know it's been a really weird and rough time, but I thought it was time to sit down and get things settled once and for all. Alright, you've got this. One hour tops and you'll be free and clear forever. This shouldn't be bad. Just stick to the plan and everything will be fine. The door opened. "Oh! You must be Stella. We've been expecting you! Alex went out to get me a pint of Ben & Jerry's but he should be back in just a few minutes. Please, come in and get out of the cold! Just watch the belly, ha ha. I know it's hard to miss!" So much for the fucking plan.

Chapter 25 by: Owen

I decided that I hated my alarm. On a whim, I'd made the alarm on my phone the chorus from that Korean song Cassie had sent me, and upon waking I realized it was just too damn cheerful for 7 A.M. I briefly considered just throwing on any old dress suit, but then I remembered I'd be meeting Alex right after work today. Great, that meant I'd have to look extra stunning today.

I rolled out of bed in a completely inelegant fashion, and proceeded begin the process of my strict beauty regimen. My face had to glow, my hair had to shine and my eyes had to pop like 100 karat diamonds. My lipstick would be a tasteful shade of red, close to my natural color, and I would just accent my eyes with a bit of mascara and eye-liner. Luckily it didn't take much to accent my features, but it did take a lot of effort to make it look mostly natural.

By the time my heels were clicking down the hallway towards my office, I was fully awake and prepared to seize the day. I decided to play some quiet classical music (it was the only thing the company allowed) in the background as I read through the pile of files for today. String quartets were always my favorite but I'd only been able to go to concerts with Cassie. Alex was not a fan of classy music like this. No more! I thought fervently, pulling a pen out of my desk to take notes. The next man I find will be cultured out the ass! Maybe I should take a vacation to England in the hopes of running into my dream man in one of those romantic comedy scenarios.

I shook my head to clear out those silly thoughts. Right now I needed to focus on work, not men! The files for today were all about continued mapping of the human genome. The human genome may have already been mapped, but there was still a large international effort to understand how human DNA and genes worked that G.M. took a large part in. We were involved largely in predicting traits that would be passed down through families and giving more accurate predictions of the likelihood that something would be passed down to children from their parents.

Around noon I decided to go down to the cafeteria for lunch. If I kept reading my eyes were probably going to start watering and ruin my makeup. It was also time that I get reacquainted with my staff. There were new interns to scare and cafeteria workers I hadn't seen in months. I pressed the button for the third floor, and waited for the elevator.

I was happy to see that the cafeteria had changed little since the last time I'd eaten there. The company made sure to have a top of the line catering company in charge of the cafeteria, and the food served was a thousand times better than any cafeteria found in a public hospital or school. Half of the chefs were former employees of four star restaurants. After obtaining a salad (garden vegetable with a balsamic and strawberry vinaigrette) and a sandwich (at the insistence of one of the chefs, they always thought I was too thin), I began scanning the tables for someone to sit with. I felt like I was back in high school, looking for social acceptance. Luckily Tom was sitting at a table near the back with a few researchers I knew and a few I didn't.

“Hey Tom,” I said walking up tray in hand, feeling more and more like a high school student. “This seat taken?” He looked up from his soup.

“I'm sorry Stella, we're saving these seats for some people.” I must have let my shock show on my face because he laughed at my reaction. “I'm just kidding!” He pointed at the seat across from him, next to a someone I hadn't met. “Sit your butt down.”

I smiled and took the seat he indicated. Some kind of tension broke with the rest of the table and conversation resumed. They were of course, discussing their various branches of research. It seemed like everyone at the table was from a different department, which was helpful for me. I still had so much to catch up on, I felt like I'd missed a month of class and my final exam was the next day. The conversation would also split off into unrelated tangents like sports, politics and random reality television. I wasn't particularly well versed in any of those subjects, but I made contributions where I could so as to not feel left out or come off as snobbish.

“So our fabulous C.E.O. is finally rubbing elbows with the commoners again,” someone next to me said.

I'd been spacing from the general conversation, and hadn't even noticed him sit down next to me. Turning, I was startled by how handsome he was. I certainly didn't remember ever being introduced to the man, but something about him was familiar.

“Judging from the blank look on your face, you don't remember me,” the handsome stranger said. At that point Tom took over.

“This is Robert, he was a couple years behind us in school. He joined G.M. last year. He's already become my second in command managing the labs.” Robert smiled, seeming genuinely please by Tom's praise.

“I'm sorry, Robert,” I said fighting my urge to blush like a school girl. “I've been a horrible boss lately. I look forward to working with you in the future.” Oh god, Stella, resist the urge to flirt. You are a strong independent woman, you don't need a man! Luckily, the clock saved me. It was nearly one o'clock.

“I'm sorry boys, but I must get back to my office. So much to do, so little time! I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow, call or e-mail me if you need anything.” Although I meant to say most of that to Tom, I couldn't help by look at Robert as I said it. Did he look disappointed? No, I mentally slapped myself. The sooner I got to my office the better.

The rest of my afternoon at work went by in a flash. The closer it got to three thirty, the time I would leave the office, the more nervous I became. What if Penelope was there? What if Alex had thrown out or given away all my stuff out of spite? What if I totally lost it ad bawled my eyes out right in front of him, or even worse, Penelope? My mascara was run-proof, so I would still look fabulous during and after, but I would still feel like a fool. In any case, I was out of time. All too soon I was in my Audi driving, hopefully for the last time, to Luna Avenue.

Chapter 24 by: Owen

I could feel my heart lurching to a stop as I held my ringing cellphone to my ear. I was sitting t my desk, me seat of power, but I still felt akin to a helpless little girl. I almost wished that he'd screen the call and I'd go straight to voice mail or something. Anything so that I didn't have to directly speak to him just yet. Of course the bastard picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?” Damn his voice. Even though I'd just heard it in my dream, it didn't compare to hearing it in reality, even altered by the phone. “Hello, who is this?” Damn it! I needed to pull myself together now!

“Alex,” I said in my most business-like voice I could muster. “It's been a while, I know. We need to settle a few things we left up in the air after our break-up. The house is still half in my name, and I left a load of personal belongings that I would like back. When are you free to meet?” I knew that if I paused for a moment my feelings would get the best of me, so I said everything that I needed to say at once. In order to make this clean break work I had to be blunt and to the point.

“S-Stella?” He sounded almost as surprised to hear from me as I was nervous. “Of course you want your things back. I-I was surprised you didn't take them when you first left. Do you want to come over tonight?”

There was something odd about Alex's voice, and I couldn't quite place what it was. The more I heard him talk, the less his voice affected me. I realized that I was getting over him faster than I thought, and I smiled. Maybe I'd make him sweat a little.

“Tonight's no good for me,” I said, sounding nonchalant. “I have dinner plans.” That was a lie, of course, but it's not like I couldn't make some. “How about tomorrow around four-thirty-ish? Would that work for you?”

I could barely hear him muttering under his breath, and I caught the faint found of pages being turned. Probably making sure Penelope didn't have any doctor's appointments or anything. I was torn between wanting to meet the other woman and fear of meeting her. It might be for the best that she wasn't there for our confrontation about the end of our relationship.

“Four-thirty works for me,” he said, finally. “I'll see you then.”

I heard a small click, and then silence. Well, that was rude, I thought. In any case, I had work to do. There was another huge pile of files that I had to read before the meeting the day after tomorrow, and I was determined to be better prepared than I was for the one today. Even though it would take herculean effort, I would regain the control I once had over the company's research.

Several hours later, my stomach told me that I'd been in the office too long. I looked at the time and was startled to find I'd spent five hours reading through files and taking notes of my own. Even though my neck hurt like hell and my stomach was making rather embarrassing noises, I felt great for being so productive. There were only a few files left to go over, and I could take care of those tomorrow.

After packing my things into a briefcase, I took the elevator down to the first floor. I made sure to say goodbye to Rebecca before exiting the building. While driving through the city, it struck me that I should probably start seriously remodeling the monastery. While I couldn't replicate the extravagant elegance of the dream monastery, it still inspired me.

When I came to the decision of starting by cleaning the floors and painting some walls, I'd just passed the last paint shop before my house. I made as quick left turn and made my way to the shop. I emerged a little over half an hour later with a perfect selection of colors. If I hadn't had the dream for inspiration, I probably would have taken hours and not come up with such a good selection. I also had to make a pit stop to get a relatively healthy sandwich from a sub shop. I would have to stock the kitchen as my next order of business. Maybe after I got my kitchenware back from Alex.

While eating my sub, I checked my e-mails and Facebook. I resisted the temptation to Facebook stalk Alex and Penelope and saw that I'd gotten an e-mail from Cassie.

Stella,

I enjoyed having lunch with you today! This had better be at least a weekly thing! In the meantime, I thought you might like this music video. Knowing you, you've just been listening to depressing Adelle songs or something like that! You need something more upbeat!

Your best gal,

Cassie the Great <3

Smiling, I clicked the link she'd sent me. I expected some popular song one could dance to, and was surprised to find it was Korean. Cassie'd recently gone on a tour of Asia to promote her brand, and must have picked up a taste for the music. I couldn't understand a word the girl was saying except something about boys and bubbles, but it was still incredibly entertaining and fun. I decided to let it be the soundtrack to the beginning of my restoration of the monastery, Stella style.

Cleaning the floor was merely a manner of mopping the stone and hardwood floors. I didn't really spend too much time on them since I'd be covering them with protective tarps anyways. Paint would be a bitch to get off them if any spilled. I couldn't help but allow myself to be in an incredibly cheerful mood. I'd always loved redecorating, and the previous paint job had already been scrapped off for me, so I didn't even need to do the most annoying and tedious part of painting walls. The ceiling was high enough and in good enough repair that I could leave it alone.

After a couple hours of painting and dancing to Korean music, the first coat of paint was drying on the walls of the space I'd designated as the living area. I'd probably start on the kitchen and do the second coat tomorrow. It was late, so I turned off my macbook and went upstairs for a soak in the tub. I'd really have to replace that thing soon as well. Maybe I'd have a plumber come in and redo the pipes over the weekend, and maybe an electrician to rewire the place. My wifi was seriously slow.

By the time my head hit my pillow, I was so tired I didn't even have time to think about Alex, Penelope or Project Miracle. I was exhausted and fell asleep right away. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off the next morning.

Chapter 23 by Tori

“What did you EAT last night?” Cassie asked, looking incredulous. “That is bizarre, Stella…Dead babies?” She’d completely stopped eating and was staring at me from across the table.

“Well, I fell down the stairs…” I admitted, taking a large bite of my fruit salad so I wouldn’t have to talk anymore right away.

“No wonder! You must have hit your head pretty hard. We should probably take you to the hospital to get checked out.” Cassie placed the back of her hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature, then felt around for a bump, but I shook my head and finished chewing my mouthful of food as quickly as possible.

“I’m fine!” I insisted. “I just need your advice. Dreams are supposed to reveal things about our waking lives, or something, but I can’t figure out what all that is supposed to mean. TruPaul, Alex and Penelope, Charlie…it’s a mess.”

Cassie laughed loudly, drawing attention from the people at surrounding tables. “I think you know where Charlie came from! I won’t lie, I’ve had some dreams with British underwear models myself, but they weren’t quite so PG…” She made an inappropriate gesture and I blushed red as the couple at a neighboring table raised their eyebrows. Cassie didn’t notice, but continued giggling.

I sighed, impatient and frustrated. I’d hoped Cassie would be able to help me make sense of the dream-happenings, but so far she just wanted to make fun of me or ship me off to the emergency room. Instead of replying, I sipped my water and glanced around the restaurant. I suppose I’ll just have to figure it out myself.

Cassie seemed to notice my frustration, because she stopped laughing and took my hand from across the table. “Stella. This isn’t hard. Of course you’re dreaming about Alex! You haven’t let him go yet. He’s moved on and you’re still focusing all your attention on him. If you think about him all day, you’re bound to dream about him all night.” I knew she was right, but I didn’t know what to do about it. It’s not that I wanted to obsess about Alex, although driving through his neighborhood probably wasn’t helping.

As if she could read my mind, Cassie continued. “Dream Stella seems to be way smarter than the real Stella right now. You’ve gotta talk to him. I don’t recommend breaking into his house as a way to break the ice, and you should probably leave the ginger behind for this, but you really do have to talk to him.”

“You sound like TruPaul,” I muttered.

“TruPaul was my favorite character in your dream!” Cassie replied. “She reminds me of Jiminy Cricket with fashion sense.” I giggled at the image in my head. “Besides, doesn’t Alex still have a closet full of your shoes? You can’t leave those things behind, girl! I think it’s time for a rescue mission.” Cassie waved her arm and a waiter appeared with the check. I offered my card, but she waved it away and paid with her VISA instead. “This is on me. You can pay me back by getting Alex out of your life once and for all. Now, we’re not wasting another moment sitting here. Get back to G.M., get your work done for the day, and get yourself a meeting with Alex ASAP.”

As we stood, Cassie wrapped me up in another bear hug. “You’re amazing, Stella. You’re the strongest person I know. You can do this.” She started to pull away, but I hugged her close a little longer, long enough to get myself together; I was on the verge of tears. I hadn’t felt so strong or amazing lately, and those words from Cassie were exactly what I needed. I’d lost myself somewhere, and it was time to get the strong, confident, independent Stella back.

As I walked to my Audi, I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed my office. My secretary answered with a cheerful greeting, and without missing a beat, I answered back – “Good afternoon, Rebecca!” I knew her name! “Could you please get me Alex’s number?”

Chapter 22 by: Owen

It had been eight in the morning when I encountered Tom. I was barely able to scan all the various documents of research pertaining to Project Miracle in time for the meeting at ten. Tom and I decided that we would have one hour long meeting every other day in order to go over all the various aspects of research that I'd neglected over the past month. Hopefully within a few short weeks I would be up to speed, and ready to resume contributions to the progress of the company and our various projects. Project Miracle may have been my baby, but that didn't mean I was able to neglect all the other operations G.M. Oversaw.

The entire debacle with missing files and cover-ups appeared to exist solely in my paranoid sub-conscience, it seemed. Looking over the file, Project Miracle was only in the first stages of creating an artificial womb, and synthetic eggs appeared only to be a pipe dream. Perhaps there was a way we could achieve the desired effect without having to figure out how to create such a thing. I would have to bring it up at the meeting, for there didn't seem to be any alternative plans.

I shuddered at the chilling memory of the lab reports I'd read in my dream. The whole thing was starting to feel more removed the longer I'd been awake, but I clung to as much of it as I could the whole time I was reading through research. I had to consciously separate what occurred in my dream, and what actually occurred in reality. It didn't help that almost all the information from the past few months was basically new to me.

The alarm I'd set on my phone for nine-fifty nearly startled me right out of my immaculate stilettos. I hurriedly gathered my notes, and rushed to the elevator. There was no way I was going to be late to this meeting, and there was also no way I was going to look rushed. Miraculously, I was the only one on the elevator, and used the few seconds of privacy to straighten my hair and make sure I didn't have anything in my teeth. Striding into the room like I owned the place, well I more or less did, I took my usual seat at the head of the table. About half the people that were supposed to be there were already seated, looking somewhat anxious, or perhaps annoyed. I couldn't blame them for either feeling-- I'd been a crappy boss. As soon as the rest of the staff filled their places at the table, I began my hastily prepared speech.

“I know that I have been horribly absent over the past few months. I let personal issues interfere with my performance at this company and with this research team, and for that I apologize. It was horribly selfish of me to do something like that, and now I won't waste any more of your valuable time talking about myself!” I smiled at the group of people assembled before me. “I trust that Tom or another of you will slap some sense into me if it happens again.”

Thankfully the tension in the room was broken by that final statement, and some of the researchers that I was more familiar with actually chuckled, Tom included. The rest of the hour was all about cramming my head full of details that I'd missed when going over the reports. It seemed like every day, the development team was getting closer and closer to perfecting a functional artificial womb. However, they were unsure about the “installation process” as one of the newer researchers that I'd yet to formally meet called it.

I recalled vague things I'd learned in my dream, and offered a few of them as suggestions. Apparently my sub-conscience was spot on, as I saw several light-bulbs flash above people's heads. I decided to let the matter of synthetic eggs wait for another meeting, I didn't want to tackle too many problems all at once. That would lead to overworking myself and my team. As I left the meeting, I felt a sense of accomplishment I hadn't felt in quite some time. I had the feeling of a job well done, and felt like I actually deserved my lunch with Cassie. As CEO, I could take as long a lunch as I desired, and I felt that I would certainly need that privilege today.

After stopping at my office long enough to drop off my notes and pick up my purse, I made my way to my Audi. I'd let Cassie pick our lunch destination, and she'd chosen a Mediterranean place that she was in love with. I only hoped that I didn't reek of garlic and lamb when I returned to the office.

Lunchtime traffic was awful, and again I was struck by the stark differences between reality and the bizarre dream I'd had after my fall down the stairs. It was almost as if I'd gotten used to the world of magical bathrooms and closets and cities without traffic jams. There were also similarities. Even in the coldest part of the year, the sky was a beautiful picture of azure and white.

Cassie was, of course, waiting for me by the time I reached the restaurant. It was a truly lovely place, but not so nice that I felt under dressed. Not that I ever wore anything that would allow me to feel under dressed. As I approached the table, Cassie sprung from her chair, squealed and gave me a rib crushing hug.

“Stella, darling, you can't just drop off the face of the Earth like that for months! I was nearly beside myself with worry when you wouldn't answer your phone or e-mails,” Cassie sat down and gave me a stern look. “I was very close to marching myself up to that ghastly monastery you just bought. And where were you staying before that? You should've roomed with me for a while! It would have been like a big slumber party!”

Cassie went on like that for several minutes, only pausing to oder for the both of us. I trusted she knew the menu as well as my tastes. It wasn't until the food arrived and she began dissecting the dish placed before her that I got a break from her interrogation. The plate before me contained a large fruit salad the waiter called ambrosia, named after the food of the gods. I figured you couldn't go wrong with a dish named like that, and I wasn't disappointed.

After a few minutes of silence and eating, I decided to tell Cassie about the dream. It was troubling how realistic it seemed, and how much of it I remembered. I wasn't really used to remembering my dreams. I told her in particular about Alex, the issues with G.M., and TruPaul. I knew if anyone could give me good advice, it would be Cassie.

Chapter 21 By: Brittany

I woke up to my head pounding and a huge crick in my neck. Dazed, I slowly tried to get my face unglued from drool the floor, open my eyes and focus. Ew..I feel like shit. Gradually sitting up, I realized I had not blacked out on the dance floor; I was back at the monastery, at the bottom of the staircase. Good Lord! How long have I been like this? Days? Weeks? Has someone even tried to look for me? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Locating my cell a couple feet away, I realized it had only been one night, and began to calm down.

I spotted the culprit of my plummet headfirst down the staircase-- my beautifully broken stiletto still rested on one of the stairs. Damn me for loving you too much, I’m sorry it had to end this way my beloved Gianmarco Lorenzi’s. I had really loved those heels…guess I should go check out my face. Using the banister for support I gently stood up and made my way to the bathroom. The non-goddess-like-bathroom-because-this-is-not-a-dream-anymore. I was horrified to walk into the terribly lit lavatory with its peeling wallpaper and dank smell. Thank god I would be remodeling it soon, but first, I needed to take a look in the mostly intact mirror.

Oh, you have a job on your hands with this one! My forehead was dark yellowish purple on the side that must have hit the banister, and my right eye was black. Not to mention all the tiny scratches all over my body from tumbling down the stairs. Ugh, of course I figure out what to do with my life AND my company and now I can’t leave the house. I CANNOT leave the house looking like this. As horrible as I looked I knew my Chanel makeup would hide almost all of the bruising. The scratches, however, would just have to be covered up.

What I need is a nice hot soak in the tub to help the aching in my neck go away. It might help the bruises fade too! So I ran hot water in the slightly questionable ceramic tub with rusted clawed feet. Rummaging around the cabinet I found some lavender bath salts to help disguise the metallic smell of the water. While I let my bones attempt to return to their normal state, I began to think about Alex.

Maybe I should just talk with him, and try to understand him a little better, who knows, maybe we could even be civil. There has to be logical reasoning behind what happened between us. None of it makes sense…to just throw seven years out like yesterdays stale Chinese? Not someone with a heart. What happened between Alex and I for seven years could not transform to something he didn’t want overnight. I could find some closure if I just ask him…even if it would break my heart all over again, at least I would know. I mean, who knows? I could meet a lovely British man who could somehow manage to sweep me off my feet, right? As I got out of the tub the crisis of “what should I wear!!” came into effect.

The closet will have something beautiful and concealing that I can wear, I’m sure…wait, damn it! This is not a dream anymore…god, hopefully I brought a sweater. I hobbled down the hall to my no-longer-glamorous-but-again-shabby room and rooted through my bad for a sweater. Aha! I’m in luck! After finding a vintage Armani long sleeved silk shirt and some high-waisted black pants that I bought in France, I went back to the bathroom to fix my face. Blending concealer onto the bruises I began give myself a pep talk.

You can do this, Stella. You can pull your life back together; especially at G.M. Where have you been these past few months? Mourning Alex like he died, agonizing over Penelope and handing off all the work at G.M. that you used to love doing yourself? Pathetic. How are you going to restart your life? By going after your dreams. It doesn’t matter that G.M. started with Alex, you’re a big girl, now get behind the damn wheel to your life and steer! Where should you start remodeling your life first? G.M needs its CEO back, and YOU need your life back. You can’t keep letting Alex and Penelope get the best of you. Only YOU can make YOU happy. Now let’s do this!

I finished applying my lipstick and took one last look in the mirror. The bruises and black eye were barely noticeable. After a sobering self talk I was ready to make some changes. Now I just needed to grab a pair of heels and figure out what I was about to do. So I made a list to help stay focused~

GOALS:

1. Figure out what was going on at G.M.

2. Find Alex, maybe talk to him?

3. Begin remodeling the monastery

Tapping my pen I decided to add one more thing for good measure so I wouldn’t go insane from being so calm.

4. Shopping if there’s free time

That sounded much better. Now it was time to call in the big guns, so I whipped out my cell and called her…

“Hey!! Cassie? Sweetie, it has been too long and I would love to take you to lunch! You free at noon? Okay, see you then!”

I made my way towards the garage, deciding to kill time by going by the office before meeting Cassie for lunch. On the ride into town I appreciated the scenic route even though it was winter. I do wish Christmas didn’t still remind me of Alex though…that’s still depressing even if I could become friends with him again. I pulled up in front of G.M, got out of my Audi, and walked towards the revolving front door. Why did I not just get a doorman like a regular businesswoman? I was not thinking of heels when I contracted this building at all. Revolving doors are so awkward in stilettos. Escaping from the rotating doors, I nearly trampled Tom, who was on his way to the lab.

“Tom! Oh my, I’m so sorry, didn’t mean to almost make you road kill!” He looked confused to see me and didn’t laugh at my joke, that wasn’t a good sign.

“Stella, what’re you doing here so early? Is something wrong?” He asked with genuine concern that it made me feel guiltier for not being in meetings as much as I should have been.

“Oh, no no, nothing is wrong—just trying to get reacquainted with the most recent research and lab reports today. I was also gunning for a staff meeting with everyone to discuss the goals for the company. Does that sound doable to you?” I was hoping he wouldn’t be totally thrown by my completely different attitude. I needed to figure out how to make not only myself happy, but also others in the same situation.

“Well, Stella, there has been a lot of different experiments going on and it would take more than just one meeting to cover all of the basic progress in my department—let alone the whole company…”

“Yes, I know it will take more than one meeting, Tom. I just feel like my absence these past few months have debilitated me. I want to get back in there and help push the company forward…just like before…”

“Alex? Yeah, he hasn’t been here as much either since you all split. I’m sorry to be so blunt about it but you weren’t the only one having a rough time in your life. My spouse left me too! She said she wanted to be with someone who was more exciting. But I couldn’t just NOT come work like you did, Stella. I know you’re our boss, and I might be out of line, but a lot of people here care about you. When you just stopped coming to meetings and participating in the developmental experiments…a lot of people lost respect for you.” Tom sighed with pent up frustration and shuffled his feet… we had been so close and it caught me off guard how hurt he was. His words stung though. They were all true statements. G.M. was my family, I had friends here and knew everyone on a fist name basis…and I just turned my back on them. How selfish…that wasn’t who I used to be…or who I wanted to be.

“I’m sorry Stella, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that—,“ Tom began, but I interrupted him, “No Tom, I’m glad you told me. I deserved every bit of that and more! I’m so sorry to here about Karen…that’s horrible. The whole reason I was coming in today was because I realized how awful I’ve been. Not just as the CEO, but also as a friend to team that I value so much. I want to mend my ways and I want to get back on my feet with this company. Can you help me?”

Tom looked at me in a thoughtful way and said, “I can—but you have to promise you won’t leave us stranded again, okay? We were lost in the lab without you!”

Glowing with a kind of victory, I thanked Tom and rushed to my office to start getting things set up for the meeting later. Cassie would definitely be getting an earful at lunch!